One Decision Changed My Life Forever

There is a quote by Thomas S Monson that I think of often. He said, "Decisions determine destiny." I think about that a lot... usually because I find it hard to make decisions. Well, the big ones anyway... and some of the small ones, let's be real.  I don't care to count how many times I have had this conversation: Oh, I don't care where we go... just not there or there or.... So yeah, making decisions and taking ownership of them is something I definitely need to work on. But recently, I was thinking about how I have already seen it in my life. What decisions did I make that got me to where I am now? What would my life be like if I had not made those decisions?

Source: Simple As That

 One of the biggest decisions I feel we can make in this life is deciding who to choose as a friend. In high school, a whole bunch of kids are thrown together and you tend to make friends with those who you are stuck with.  There doesn't always seem to be much choice in the matter. I'll admit it... I did not make the best friend choices in high school. Not that my friends were particularly "bad" or anything... but they weren't lasting friendships. Plus some of them didn't share my values. This can be okay, and work sometimes, obviously not everyone is going to share your views and beliefs on everything,  but it does put a bit of a strain on the relationship if it's a big enough chasm. If I would have made different choices in high school, I think I would be a different person. Perhaps more sheltered. Perhaps more trusting... but who knows? I could have ended up with friends who pressured me into doing things I didn't want to do, and luckily, that didn't happen. 

I do know one thing for sure. If I had not chosen to follow the little voice in my head, the little whisper to my heart that told me to pick up the phone and talk to John after months of not speaking, and John had not chosen to go on a date with me... I would be a completely different person. And I don't know that the current me would like that alternate version of who I would have become. That single decision changed my life for the better. It changed my eternal destiny. 

Not every choice you make will be a good one, but "decisions determine destiny" so be cautious... and whatever you do, please listen to the still small voice of the Holy ghost. I can guarantee you that those are the choices that will have the greatest reward in determining your destiny. 

28 Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do"

Photo Cred: Shea Brianne Photography

As many of you know, I got married young. I was only 20 years old when John and I tied the knot. People kept telling me that I was too young to be married, and still do. But, I was and am confident in my decision. I'm confident not only because I married a man who I am totally in love with and is my best friend; but also because we made sure we wanted similar things out of life before we tied the knot. 

You can love someone as much as you want, but if you don't agree on the big issues and neither one of you is willing to budge it's just not going to work out. 

John and I went through lists like this before we got married but I didn't really like any of them because they were redundant.  Good info, but asked the same sorts of questions over and over again. 

Photo Cred: Dawn Photography

So, here is the readers digest version of what you really need to know about your significant other before you get married. 

Kids

• Do you want kids? How many? 
• Relative time frame you want to start having kids? (20's? 30's? etc.)
• How do you want to raise them? 
• What are acceptable discipline practices? (Spanking vs. not spanking, etc.)
• What are your thoughts on stay at home parenting?

Life Goals

• What kind of a house do you want to live in? 
• Where would you like to or hate to live? 
• How much travelling do you want to do?  
• How successful do you want to be? 
• How successful do you expect your spouse to be?
• What is success to you?

Career Goals

• What do you want to do with your life? Can you do that where you live?
• Are you and your potential spouses career goals compatible? 
• Can you support your spouses career goals and choices?
• How much money do you want to make? 
• How much money do you think your spouse should make? 
• How many hours  do you want to/ are willing to work? 
• How much do you expect your spouse to work?

Money

• How are you going to manage your finances? 
• Who is going to be in charge of what?  
• Do you want joint or individual bank accounts? 
• What would an acceptable budget look like for you? 
• Are you a spender or a saver? Are you willing to compromise on that? 
• How are you going to handle large purchases?
• What are your thoughts on being or not being the "breadwinner"? 

Misc.

• What are your feelings on pets? 
• How clean do you keep/ expect your future spouse to keep your house? 
• And finally . . . What are your expectations of this marriage? Are they reasonable and realistic?

I hope you find these useful! These questions may even be good to go over if you are already married to ensure you and your spouse are on the same page. (Especially that last one). The most important thing is to be open and honest.  Both about your wants/needs and your willingness to compromise. You may find yourself changing your mind about some things after some open and honest conversations with your significant other and that's okay! Just make sure you are not pushing your thoughts and feelings down because your "so in love" because these issues will pop up later!

The Silent Marriage Killer

Let's be honest, the divorce rate in America is ridiculously high. About 50%. It seems like at least once a week we hear about some famous couple getting a divorce. The most common reason? Irreconcilable differences. Most of the time, what this means to me is the couple grew apart and just doesn't get along anymore.

So, are those of us that do get married and think our love will last forever just kidding ourselves? Are we just being hopeless romantics doomed for failure? I don't think so, but I think there are some things we need to realize. I think what we all need to realize (and I would do well to remember) is that relationships take work. Sometimes a lot of work. Fairy tales and romantic comedies don't usually dive into happily ever after. Happily ever afters do exist, it just takes effort. It's not this magical thing that happens once you get married that means you'll never fight, or that you'll never have to work on yourself or your marriage.

I think what happens to most couples is that they feel like they've "grown apart". But what does that mean? How does it happen? Think about it in terms of friends from high school. You probably have some friends from high school that you don't really talk to anymore for no other reason than you went in different directions. Different schools, different jobs, whatever. But you probably have some friends that you still have from high school that went in a different direction, but you've remained close, or at least friends. So, what's the difference? Either one or both of you did or did not put forth any effort into the relationship by calling, emailing, texting, writing, etc. It's that simple. We make excuses for it, but it is what it is. We did not put forth enough effort to continue to get to know our friends and the relationship faltered.The same thing can happen in marriage in an emotional level.

A complaint often heard is, "he's/she'snot the same man/woman I married. Well of course not! I for one hope I have changed after 1 year, let alone 5, 10, or 20. I am not the same person I was a year ago and that's a good thing. The hard part is making sure you and your spouse are growing together. While it's true that people change, growing apart can be prevented. Depending on your situation, this could be super simple, or require a little more effort. But basically, take time to get to know your spouse. I know some people who like to have "interviews" with their kids as they're growing up to keep in touch and up to date with their kids ever changing and growing favorites, opinions, goals, and dreams.

Just we've hit adulthood doesn't mean we've automatically hit the brakes on evolving. We are changing each and everyday. Make sure to keep up to date with your spouse as well with your kids. If it takes having a scheduled "interview" with your spouse then do it! Take time to really listen and pay attention to each other. Remember you were dating and one of the things the magazines would tell you to do was to bring up something that you talked about previously? Like, hey how did your game go? Well, why should that stop? Just because you live together doesn't mean that you know everything that goes on. Try your best to remember details from previous conversations and bring them up later. Not only will it show that you care, but it will help deepen your understanding of each other.

 Monthly or weekly date nights will help with this problem as well, though make sure you have time to talk on your date nights and aren't just going to the movies every time and not taking time to talk before and after. If you and your spouse are both attached to your cell phones and tablets, take time to unplug together and just really focus on each other. And no mean on each other. Kids are very important, but take in these special moments together try to not talk about the kids and their accomplishments. This is time to continue to learn about your ever changing and evolving spouse, not your children. You and your spouse should be consistently learning new things about each other. I know sometimes with other time commitments it can be hard to find the time. But find it, isn't your marriage worth it?

Top 10 Things I've Learned in One Year of Marriage

Nobody's marriage is perfect. It's never going to be, and that's okay.  But you can learn and grow and make your marriage grow each and every day. Now, some of these things I need to listen to my own advice and do better at. But marriage, much like life, is a work in progress.

10. It's okay to fight.

John is fond of saying that if you never fight or argue, someone's lying. The key is not to not fight but to resolve the issues, and the root if the problem and forgive quickly.

9. Date Nights are important.

Date nights are too difficult for us right now since we don't have kids, but they are still greatly cherished.  It's just great to return to the feelings of when you first got together. It adds a little romance in your life that can sometimes be lacking in the day to day routine. Even if your just going to a movie.

8. Go to bed at the same time.

You will never stop learning about your significant other.  You'll both change and grow and you have a lifetime to catch up on. Going to bed at the same time leaves an opportunity for pillow talk. For some reason in this before bed sleepy state, deeper conversation seem to happen. In these moments you'll learn a lot about each other. .. just don't be mad if they fall asleep in the middle of a sentence.

7. Talk good behind his or her back

Talking positive about your husband or wife in public will definitely help at home. By focusing on the positive,  not only will other people not bring up negative things about your significant other and dig up buried issues and it will help you not to feel so negative about them when things do go wrong. Think about it: if you complain about your significant other all day, when you go home you'll already be annoyed at them before they have even done anything because you've been dwelling on the negative all day. Whereas if you talk positively about your significant other then when you get home you'll be less likely to snap because you've been dwelling on the positive.

 

6. Limit Nagging

I've learned that I nag. Alot. When I realized this I made an effort not to and I learned something.  Nagging is not reminding your significant other to do something, but reminding them to do it in an irritated tone and/or harsh words. You don't know what is going on in their heads so, it is inaccurate to suppose just because they haven't done something yet means they are not going to or forgot. When you do want to remind them to do something be sure you're not accusing them. Saying "you haven't done this yet, why not?" sounds a lot less pleasant than "honey, are you still planing on doing xyz today?" But of course, watch your tone as well.

5. The implementation of "fun money" will stop a lot of arguments.

Basically fun money is money each person gets each month to do whatever they want with and the other person cannot say anything about it.  You can also save up for something big. This is great for things that you don't need but want and may otherwise be fought over. The amount can be however much you can afford per month. This practice has helped us tremendously.

4. Show Gratitude.

This is really important but is over looked alot. We take our significant others for granted.  We forget to thank them for the small and large things that they do on a daily basis. If you want to show your gratitude by giving gifts on ocassion, that's great but a simple thank you hug and smile will work wonders as well. It feels good to feel appreciated. When John and I noticed that we were both lacking in the appreciation department we made a conscious effort to show more appreciation to each other and it's made all the difference. 

3. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Respect your significant other at home and in private. Respect their decisions,  even if you don't agree (save if they are doing something illegal!  Ha). Just all in all treat each other with respect. 

2. Communication is key.

Sometimes I find this hard as I don't quite know how to communicate what I'm feeling but it really does help to get it all out in the open. Communication involves listening as well as talking.  It also involves how you communicate ( preferably in a loving tone) and communicating positive feelings (all those I love yous).

1. Understand that you are different people. 

This may seem obvious but hear me out. It is vitally important to your marriage to understand that you and your significant other are different people with different personalities, character traits,  habits,  experiences, etc. Realize that you will approach things differently,  different things will bother you and your life will be a lot easier when you acknowledge and respect that.

Life's Little Lessons: Priorities

I have some shocking news for you all.

I am not my first priority. . . and neither is my husband. 

and guess what? I'm not his. 

If I had kids, they wouldn't be my first priority either. My Lord and Savior and Heavenly Father are my first priority.

Does that mean I don't care about myself, my husband, or my future kids? Of course not! They are still priorities, just not my number one. They are all important.  

My priorities go a little something like this... God, John, (kids would go here),Family,  Friends, Me. and so on and so forth. 

Does this mean I let others walk all over me? No. Not for the most part, and when I do, its not because of misplaced priorities, its just because of my people pleasing personality. 

If I was in a harmful situation, then of course I should get out of it, even if its done by one of my higher priorities. 

The wonderful thing about priorities is that they all fall into each other like a Russian Doll. God doesn't want me to neglect my husband, my husband wouldn't want me to neglect our kids, our kids will want to see their family, and so on and so forth. 

Additionally, the priorities actually help each other out. If I have a good relationship with my heavenly Father, I will have a better relationship with my husband. Better relationship with my husband equals a better relationship with and example to my future kids, etc. All of which help my mental health.

It is important to keep priorities in perspective.

Especially in this world, where we are lead to believe that grades define us. 

Where being successful means having a big house, a fancy car and a lot of money to blow. 

Where we are constantly bombarded with ads and articles telling us that it is all about us. That we should be our number one priority. 

Can you imagine a world where everyone acted like that? If you don't believe me think of one of the "best" and kindest people you know... or just think of Mother Teresa. Does his or her goodness come from making themselves the priority or from making God and/or others the priority?   

Take a moment today to really ponder what your priorities are. It will help guide you and actually reduce a lot of stress. For instance, being reminded that school isn't my number one priority is a huge weight lifted off my shoulders!

Your priorities don't have to be in the same order as mine, but really think on them and maybe even write them down for future reference. 

P.s. I've decided to call these little rambling posts of mine "Life's Little Lessons"... Even if they aren't lessons for you, they are lessons for me! That I'm either learning or re-learning/emphasizing/remembering. 

The Danger of Pinterest

Don't get me wrong here, I love Pinterest just as much as the next girl. But, I'm realizing that there is a danger hidden away inside of its boards. Sometimes, I find myself feeling bad about myself and my life that its not like what I see on the pins.

I don't have an unlimited amount of cute clothes. Why don't I have cuter clothes? Why do I not have enough money to spend on such pretty dresses?

I could never get my house to look like that.

I don't have a closet just for my shoes. I wish I did.  

Hey, why don't we have a slide in our closet that leads to a pool?

and so on, and so forth.

Sound familiar?

Now, I'm not asking for anyone to boycott pinterest. That would be ridiculous... and hypocritical. Its not the creators fault. And there is so much beauty, inspiration, recipes and great information that can be found on there. Lets be honest here, how many weddings have been planned on pinterest? Yeah, that's what I thought. Its like a one stop shop for anything and everything girly, and now even some manly.

But, we need to be careful.  We need to guard ourselves against the trap that so often we fall into.  Our lives are not a board on pinterest. They are not streamlined with only the best of the best showing through. Our lives are messy. Our lives have the best, the worst and the in-between all poking through. And you know what? That's beautiful. That's incredible, really. Life is such an amazing gift, and if we have the time and resources to be on pinterest, our life is probably a lot better than we realize.

And please, don't fall into the "Thinspiration" or the "Thigh Gap" trap. I see these types of boards and it truly scares me. Motivation to work out is one thing, setting unattainable goals is another. These can lead to dissapointment, depression, and eating disorders. Please realize that you are beautiful already. Work out and eat healthy to make your body healthy and fit, not to achieve a non-existent photoshopped ideal. *Steps off soapbox*

If you think this sounds familiar, that's because it is. This is the same thing as not falling for the trap that can be set by magazines, television, and pretty much any form of media. We are not those women and men, that is not an accurate representation of life. And that is okay. That is wonderful.

So, next time your browsing on pinterest and you fall into the "I wish", "Why Don't I", and the feeling sad/upset/ashamed that its not your life or you can't afford that, I want you to take a moment to remember just how lucky you are. Take a quick inventory of everything you are thankful for in your life. Take a moment to get everything in perspective. Then you can smile, relax, and keep browsing.

Marriages Are Sacred

It makes me sad to see so many marriages failing.

You see it everywhere you turn. On the news, on facebook, etc. 

I realize that no marriage or relationship is perfect and there will always be some (hopefully small) issues. 

I think a major issue a lot of marriages have today is that we forget about the sanctity of marriage. 

I mean, think about it, wouldn't we put forth more effort, try to be more understanding, more loving, and more selfless if we were reminded daily that our marriage is sacred? A sacred promise between us, our spouses, and God. I know I would. 

I would be much more understanding, forgiving, and just all around put more effort into being a better wife. I would make sure that I was building John up and doing everything I could to ensure his spiritual health.

And I know he would be doing the same for me.

Even if you don't believe in God , you still made a promise. A pretty huge one.

A promise to another human being which should not be taken lightly. I think promises these days have lost their meaning but that's a whole other issue. 

Don't get me wrong, we already do these things, but  some-days we forget. I won't speak for John but 

sometimes I get caught up in our own little world and I don't take the time to consider John above myself. Sometimes I don't take into consideration that our marriage is something sacred. Something to constantly improve. Something that takes priority.

And I think we would all do well to remember that.

Thats why I made a picture that I can print out and/or keep on my computer to remind me  daily. Feel free to use it, and print it out, just don't pass it off as your own, please!

What would you do differently if you were reminded daily of the sanctity of marriage?

You May Also Like:

How to Do Colorwork in Knitting

The 3 Words I'm Removing From My Vocabulary

Warranty & Product Binder (Free Printables!)

Falling Off the Wagon

The other day when I was going for a walk because I had not went running in a while, I realized that I quit or give up a lot. That made me feel pretty down on myself. I mean, Nobody wants to be a quitter! 

I got to thinking, though, about the reasons I stopped running so much... for one, lack of time. I know this is not a good excuse, you can always make time, but tell that to my brain at 5:30 am. But mainly, 

I'm not passionate about running. As much as I wanted to believe that was going to change after I started... running just doesn't excite me. 

Yeah, maybe I didn't give it enough time but, I think that if I'm going to start something and stick to it...

I need to be excited about it.

I mean, all the reasons I mentioned for wanting to run are still there, as far as being healthy goes. 

So, that thing that I "quit", is fixed.

But what about all of the other things?

I mean quitting things a lot is not really a good thing.

But, what I have decided is that when I inevitably give up, or "fall off the wagon" so to speak, the important thing is that I get back on it.

It doesn't matter if I fall of every now and again, we all have those days... weeks... months.

What is important, is that I take a look at why I quit, make changes if necessary, and get back on it. 

So.. don't feel bad if you get off the wagon, just make sure to get back on it. 

The Best Thing for Your Marriage

In my opinion, one of the best things you can do for your marriage is to...

delegate the chores. 

Photo Credit: Google Image Search

(I can't find the original image)

I know what your thinking... Really? Thats one of the best things? But, yeah... it really is. 

Because when you don't...

well, one person ends up doing everything and then they start to resent that fact.

Think about it, how many people do you know that one person ends up doing all of the housework. 

Cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc, etc. 

It becomes exhausting.

And then that person starts to get a little mad, a little exasperated, a little spiteful.

If one person ends up doing all the work, it ends up putting a wedge in the relationship. 

Thats why its so important to delegate the chores early in the relationship. There are a couple of ways to do this...

1. Make a Chore Chart- and switch out the chores every week or month. This is great because you know exactly who does what and you both end up doing the same thing. That way, one person is not always doing a specific chore.

2. Assign Chores- for life... or at least a year. This is the method we use for now just because there are certain things each of us hate to do. For instance, he hates doing dishes and I hate vacuuming. 

3. Daily Dos- Talk to each other everyday (or when stuff needs to be done) about who's doing what. Like after dinner say.. "You load, I'll unload?" I think most people do a little of this but, if you want to make this your whole system then go for it!

Personally, I think its important to have a system, but, you have to do what works for you and your spouse.

Also, just help each other.

Remember, you married this person because you love them... and part of loving somebody is being selfless and doing things just because you know it will make them happy.

Just try to remember that one person should not be doing everything... stay at home parent or not.

Goals, Goals, Goals.

Good morning ladies and gents,

I've had so many things come to mind that I want to do. The list goes on forever. I have so many goals, especially after getting married. So, I thought it would be useful to write down some of my goals and tips for how to achieve them. 

Health Goals: 

1. Drink More Water- 

So, I kind of hate drinking water. Its a horrible habit, I know, but I usually drink apple juice or really just ANYTHING rather than water. But, I know I need to do it as it will help me feel more energized, give me a healthy glow and all sorts of good stuff. I have a few tips. 

-Drink 1 bottle of water for every other juice/soda you have 

-Use no/low calorie water flavor enhancer like Dasani Drops I received some from Influenster (courtesy a free VoxBox) and they're pretty good! I definitely suggest them! 

2. Run a 5K- 

I talked about this more on my other blog so, I don't want to go into too much detail. About why I want to do it, so you can read that here. 

Tip: Exercise even if you don't feel like it (unless you're legitimately sick)

Knowledge Goals

1. Learn Spanish -

I want to learn Spanish because my husband speaks Spanish pretty well and wants to teach our future children.So, I don't want them to be talking secrets in a different language just because I won't be able to understand them! Since I have a while to learn this, I still need to come up with a specific plan. 

Tip: Memorize a "word of the day".

2.  Improve Memory- 

I want to improve my memory so that I will be better at learning. It will just overall improve my life. 

Tip: Memorize something each day or play memory improving games (gotta love apps).

Business Goals:

1. Get a Job- 

This is pretty obvious, I would like a job to make some extra money for us! Its a long and hard process but, it will be worth it in the long run 

Tip: Don't give up!

2. Make More mark. Sales- 

My goal is to eventually be a mentor and to do that I need to consistently reach a certain sales goal. 

So, if your in direct sales, I have a tip for you: 

Tip: Have great customer service.

3. Be More Active on Activ[n]ation- 

As some of you may know, last year I started an online literary magazine. I really love it, but, I've kind of hit a plateau. So, I'm going to start working on getting submissions and making it more, well, active.

Tip: If people aren't coming to you, find them.

Personal Goals: 

1. Be a Good Wife- 

One of my number one goals, after getting married, is to be a good Godly wife. I've found a few posts that I really like about being a Godly wife, you can read one here, courtesy of pinterest.

Pre-Wedding...Bliss?

Let's talk about what happens before the actual wedding. 

The proposal is like this high point of excitement and as the first plans take shape its still pretty fresh and you're excited. But then, you start realizing things... like, how much its going to cost to make your dream wedding come true, the fact that its nearly impossible to get your bridesmaids all together in one place or for them to agree on the style and cost of a dress.... and the realization that there are about 200 things that you need to figure out that you haven't even thought about before. 

Not to be a Debbie Downer or anything, but Pre-Wedding is super stressful, especially if you are planning yourself and on a budget. I'm telling all of my friends "Just elope!", however, I know that only 1% of them will actually do it. Most of us have been dreaming about what our wedding will be like since age 10. 

But here's the thing that nobody tells you: It never turns out exactly how you pictured it (unless you're a millionaire, in that case, invite me to your wedding ;) )

Do you want to know a secret? That its okay. Its okay if your wedding isn't perfect. Its okay to be stressed before your wedding. Its okay if one of your bridesmaids flakes out. Its okay if you have to switch maid of honors. Its okay if you have to switch locations. Its okay if you have to pick up your marriage licence the day of the wedding (yes, that happened). 

Because, that moment you walk down the aisle, all that matters is that your groom is standing there smiling (and/or crying), waiting to share your vows so that you can spend the rest of your life together.  

Photo Credit: Dawn Photography