28 Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do"

Photo Cred: Shea Brianne Photography

As many of you know, I got married young. I was only 20 years old when John and I tied the knot. People kept telling me that I was too young to be married, and still do. But, I was and am confident in my decision. I'm confident not only because I married a man who I am totally in love with and is my best friend; but also because we made sure we wanted similar things out of life before we tied the knot. 

You can love someone as much as you want, but if you don't agree on the big issues and neither one of you is willing to budge it's just not going to work out. 

John and I went through lists like this before we got married but I didn't really like any of them because they were redundant.  Good info, but asked the same sorts of questions over and over again. 

Photo Cred: Dawn Photography

So, here is the readers digest version of what you really need to know about your significant other before you get married. 

Kids

• Do you want kids? How many? 
• Relative time frame you want to start having kids? (20's? 30's? etc.)
• How do you want to raise them? 
• What are acceptable discipline practices? (Spanking vs. not spanking, etc.)
• What are your thoughts on stay at home parenting?

Life Goals

• What kind of a house do you want to live in? 
• Where would you like to or hate to live? 
• How much travelling do you want to do?  
• How successful do you want to be? 
• How successful do you expect your spouse to be?
• What is success to you?

Career Goals

• What do you want to do with your life? Can you do that where you live?
• Are you and your potential spouses career goals compatible? 
• Can you support your spouses career goals and choices?
• How much money do you want to make? 
• How much money do you think your spouse should make? 
• How many hours  do you want to/ are willing to work? 
• How much do you expect your spouse to work?

Money

• How are you going to manage your finances? 
• Who is going to be in charge of what?  
• Do you want joint or individual bank accounts? 
• What would an acceptable budget look like for you? 
• Are you a spender or a saver? Are you willing to compromise on that? 
• How are you going to handle large purchases?
• What are your thoughts on being or not being the "breadwinner"? 

Misc.

• What are your feelings on pets? 
• How clean do you keep/ expect your future spouse to keep your house? 
• And finally . . . What are your expectations of this marriage? Are they reasonable and realistic?

I hope you find these useful! These questions may even be good to go over if you are already married to ensure you and your spouse are on the same page. (Especially that last one). The most important thing is to be open and honest.  Both about your wants/needs and your willingness to compromise. You may find yourself changing your mind about some things after some open and honest conversations with your significant other and that's okay! Just make sure you are not pushing your thoughts and feelings down because your "so in love" because these issues will pop up later!

The Silent Marriage Killer

Let's be honest, the divorce rate in America is ridiculously high. About 50%. It seems like at least once a week we hear about some famous couple getting a divorce. The most common reason? Irreconcilable differences. Most of the time, what this means to me is the couple grew apart and just doesn't get along anymore.

So, are those of us that do get married and think our love will last forever just kidding ourselves? Are we just being hopeless romantics doomed for failure? I don't think so, but I think there are some things we need to realize. I think what we all need to realize (and I would do well to remember) is that relationships take work. Sometimes a lot of work. Fairy tales and romantic comedies don't usually dive into happily ever after. Happily ever afters do exist, it just takes effort. It's not this magical thing that happens once you get married that means you'll never fight, or that you'll never have to work on yourself or your marriage.

I think what happens to most couples is that they feel like they've "grown apart". But what does that mean? How does it happen? Think about it in terms of friends from high school. You probably have some friends from high school that you don't really talk to anymore for no other reason than you went in different directions. Different schools, different jobs, whatever. But you probably have some friends that you still have from high school that went in a different direction, but you've remained close, or at least friends. So, what's the difference? Either one or both of you did or did not put forth any effort into the relationship by calling, emailing, texting, writing, etc. It's that simple. We make excuses for it, but it is what it is. We did not put forth enough effort to continue to get to know our friends and the relationship faltered.The same thing can happen in marriage in an emotional level.

A complaint often heard is, "he's/she'snot the same man/woman I married. Well of course not! I for one hope I have changed after 1 year, let alone 5, 10, or 20. I am not the same person I was a year ago and that's a good thing. The hard part is making sure you and your spouse are growing together. While it's true that people change, growing apart can be prevented. Depending on your situation, this could be super simple, or require a little more effort. But basically, take time to get to know your spouse. I know some people who like to have "interviews" with their kids as they're growing up to keep in touch and up to date with their kids ever changing and growing favorites, opinions, goals, and dreams.

Just we've hit adulthood doesn't mean we've automatically hit the brakes on evolving. We are changing each and everyday. Make sure to keep up to date with your spouse as well with your kids. If it takes having a scheduled "interview" with your spouse then do it! Take time to really listen and pay attention to each other. Remember you were dating and one of the things the magazines would tell you to do was to bring up something that you talked about previously? Like, hey how did your game go? Well, why should that stop? Just because you live together doesn't mean that you know everything that goes on. Try your best to remember details from previous conversations and bring them up later. Not only will it show that you care, but it will help deepen your understanding of each other.

 Monthly or weekly date nights will help with this problem as well, though make sure you have time to talk on your date nights and aren't just going to the movies every time and not taking time to talk before and after. If you and your spouse are both attached to your cell phones and tablets, take time to unplug together and just really focus on each other. And no mean on each other. Kids are very important, but take in these special moments together try to not talk about the kids and their accomplishments. This is time to continue to learn about your ever changing and evolving spouse, not your children. You and your spouse should be consistently learning new things about each other. I know sometimes with other time commitments it can be hard to find the time. But find it, isn't your marriage worth it?

Top 10 Things I've Learned in One Year of Marriage

Nobody's marriage is perfect. It's never going to be, and that's okay.  But you can learn and grow and make your marriage grow each and every day. Now, some of these things I need to listen to my own advice and do better at. But marriage, much like life, is a work in progress.

10. It's okay to fight.

John is fond of saying that if you never fight or argue, someone's lying. The key is not to not fight but to resolve the issues, and the root if the problem and forgive quickly.

9. Date Nights are important.

Date nights are too difficult for us right now since we don't have kids, but they are still greatly cherished.  It's just great to return to the feelings of when you first got together. It adds a little romance in your life that can sometimes be lacking in the day to day routine. Even if your just going to a movie.

8. Go to bed at the same time.

You will never stop learning about your significant other.  You'll both change and grow and you have a lifetime to catch up on. Going to bed at the same time leaves an opportunity for pillow talk. For some reason in this before bed sleepy state, deeper conversation seem to happen. In these moments you'll learn a lot about each other. .. just don't be mad if they fall asleep in the middle of a sentence.

7. Talk good behind his or her back

Talking positive about your husband or wife in public will definitely help at home. By focusing on the positive,  not only will other people not bring up negative things about your significant other and dig up buried issues and it will help you not to feel so negative about them when things do go wrong. Think about it: if you complain about your significant other all day, when you go home you'll already be annoyed at them before they have even done anything because you've been dwelling on the negative all day. Whereas if you talk positively about your significant other then when you get home you'll be less likely to snap because you've been dwelling on the positive.

 

6. Limit Nagging

I've learned that I nag. Alot. When I realized this I made an effort not to and I learned something.  Nagging is not reminding your significant other to do something, but reminding them to do it in an irritated tone and/or harsh words. You don't know what is going on in their heads so, it is inaccurate to suppose just because they haven't done something yet means they are not going to or forgot. When you do want to remind them to do something be sure you're not accusing them. Saying "you haven't done this yet, why not?" sounds a lot less pleasant than "honey, are you still planing on doing xyz today?" But of course, watch your tone as well.

5. The implementation of "fun money" will stop a lot of arguments.

Basically fun money is money each person gets each month to do whatever they want with and the other person cannot say anything about it.  You can also save up for something big. This is great for things that you don't need but want and may otherwise be fought over. The amount can be however much you can afford per month. This practice has helped us tremendously.

4. Show Gratitude.

This is really important but is over looked alot. We take our significant others for granted.  We forget to thank them for the small and large things that they do on a daily basis. If you want to show your gratitude by giving gifts on ocassion, that's great but a simple thank you hug and smile will work wonders as well. It feels good to feel appreciated. When John and I noticed that we were both lacking in the appreciation department we made a conscious effort to show more appreciation to each other and it's made all the difference. 

3. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Respect your significant other at home and in private. Respect their decisions,  even if you don't agree (save if they are doing something illegal!  Ha). Just all in all treat each other with respect. 

2. Communication is key.

Sometimes I find this hard as I don't quite know how to communicate what I'm feeling but it really does help to get it all out in the open. Communication involves listening as well as talking.  It also involves how you communicate ( preferably in a loving tone) and communicating positive feelings (all those I love yous).

1. Understand that you are different people. 

This may seem obvious but hear me out. It is vitally important to your marriage to understand that you and your significant other are different people with different personalities, character traits,  habits,  experiences, etc. Realize that you will approach things differently,  different things will bother you and your life will be a lot easier when you acknowledge and respect that.

The Greenwood's Twelveth Month

We made it! 

John and I have made it through an entire year of being married! A lot has happened this year... I invite you to stroll down memory lane and take a look at all the Monthly Mayhem's that led up to this.

This month we finished school for the summer, and John is searching high and low for an internship for the summer session.

We were able to attend our friends wedding reception, which was awesome. I even got to dance a little. I cannot tell you how much I miss swing dancing! If any body knows of a cheap/free place to swing dance in Columbia let me know!

John continued to have health issues this month. So much so that he had to get a colonoscopy.  While that was no fun, we are glad that he had that procedure because the doctor found something that could have been life threatening down the road!  We think we have finally figured out what was causing him so much pain and he is on some medicine that should make him feel better. Just no highly acidic foods until it's over!

We had the pleasure of attending two barbecues over Memorial Day weekend.  One with John's work friends, and one with church friends. I got a little emotional thinking of all of the men and women who have died to keep us safe and free.

We celebrated our one year anniversary by getting sealed in the St.Louis temple and then going to The Melting Pot. All in all, it was a pretty spectacular day and made me remember how much I really do love my husband.

Here's to us to making it another twelve  months and beyond! Join us on this journey by following my blog on facebook, blogger,bloglovin or by email. 

Life's Little Lessons: Priorities

I have some shocking news for you all.

I am not my first priority. . . and neither is my husband. 

and guess what? I'm not his. 

If I had kids, they wouldn't be my first priority either. My Lord and Savior and Heavenly Father are my first priority.

Does that mean I don't care about myself, my husband, or my future kids? Of course not! They are still priorities, just not my number one. They are all important.  

My priorities go a little something like this... God, John, (kids would go here),Family,  Friends, Me. and so on and so forth. 

Does this mean I let others walk all over me? No. Not for the most part, and when I do, its not because of misplaced priorities, its just because of my people pleasing personality. 

If I was in a harmful situation, then of course I should get out of it, even if its done by one of my higher priorities. 

The wonderful thing about priorities is that they all fall into each other like a Russian Doll. God doesn't want me to neglect my husband, my husband wouldn't want me to neglect our kids, our kids will want to see their family, and so on and so forth. 

Additionally, the priorities actually help each other out. If I have a good relationship with my heavenly Father, I will have a better relationship with my husband. Better relationship with my husband equals a better relationship with and example to my future kids, etc. All of which help my mental health.

It is important to keep priorities in perspective.

Especially in this world, where we are lead to believe that grades define us. 

Where being successful means having a big house, a fancy car and a lot of money to blow. 

Where we are constantly bombarded with ads and articles telling us that it is all about us. That we should be our number one priority. 

Can you imagine a world where everyone acted like that? If you don't believe me think of one of the "best" and kindest people you know... or just think of Mother Teresa. Does his or her goodness come from making themselves the priority or from making God and/or others the priority?   

Take a moment today to really ponder what your priorities are. It will help guide you and actually reduce a lot of stress. For instance, being reminded that school isn't my number one priority is a huge weight lifted off my shoulders!

Your priorities don't have to be in the same order as mine, but really think on them and maybe even write them down for future reference. 

P.s. I've decided to call these little rambling posts of mine "Life's Little Lessons"... Even if they aren't lessons for you, they are lessons for me! That I'm either learning or re-learning/emphasizing/remembering. 

Marriages Are Sacred

It makes me sad to see so many marriages failing.

You see it everywhere you turn. On the news, on facebook, etc. 

I realize that no marriage or relationship is perfect and there will always be some (hopefully small) issues. 

I think a major issue a lot of marriages have today is that we forget about the sanctity of marriage. 

I mean, think about it, wouldn't we put forth more effort, try to be more understanding, more loving, and more selfless if we were reminded daily that our marriage is sacred? A sacred promise between us, our spouses, and God. I know I would. 

I would be much more understanding, forgiving, and just all around put more effort into being a better wife. I would make sure that I was building John up and doing everything I could to ensure his spiritual health.

And I know he would be doing the same for me.

Even if you don't believe in God , you still made a promise. A pretty huge one.

A promise to another human being which should not be taken lightly. I think promises these days have lost their meaning but that's a whole other issue. 

Don't get me wrong, we already do these things, but  some-days we forget. I won't speak for John but 

sometimes I get caught up in our own little world and I don't take the time to consider John above myself. Sometimes I don't take into consideration that our marriage is something sacred. Something to constantly improve. Something that takes priority.

And I think we would all do well to remember that.

Thats why I made a picture that I can print out and/or keep on my computer to remind me  daily. Feel free to use it, and print it out, just don't pass it off as your own, please!

What would you do differently if you were reminded daily of the sanctity of marriage?

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Monthly Mayhem: The Greenwood's Fifth Month!

Hello all!

I know I am a tad late on getting this up but hey, better late than never, right? 

So, without further ado...

So, we have officially made it past the 5 month mark! Woo! 

So, what's been happening in the month of October? It was a crazy month!

~ We continued going to school

~We enjoyed October's General Conference 

~We packed, and packed and packed

~We enjoyed some quiet time with the return of some of our favorite shows

~I had an emotional breakdown during the Cory Monteith/Finn Tribute episode of Glee.

~We MOVED into our very own house!!!!!!

~Decided not to move cable over to our new house

~Had some issues getting internet services transferred to our new house... 

~We unpacked, and unpacked and unpacked

~ We made quite an extensive Black Friday shopping list! (yikes!)

~ My temporary work position ended (sadface)

~We got internet back! Yay!

~ I started looking for new job

~We dressed up for a Halloween party at our church

~ We handed out candy to trick-or-treater's

So, its been quite a busy month! But here's to many more wonderful months together. We may drive each other crazy sometimes but, in the end, we love each other more than anything, and that's what counts. 

I can't wait to see what month 6 brings! It being our first 6 month mark in November, we should celebrate, right? ;) 

Now, I have a question for you! Do you like these posts in list form or story form better? Leave your answers in the comments below!

The Best Thing for Your Marriage

In my opinion, one of the best things you can do for your marriage is to...

delegate the chores. 

Photo Credit: Google Image Search

(I can't find the original image)

I know what your thinking... Really? Thats one of the best things? But, yeah... it really is. 

Because when you don't...

well, one person ends up doing everything and then they start to resent that fact.

Think about it, how many people do you know that one person ends up doing all of the housework. 

Cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc, etc. 

It becomes exhausting.

And then that person starts to get a little mad, a little exasperated, a little spiteful.

If one person ends up doing all the work, it ends up putting a wedge in the relationship. 

Thats why its so important to delegate the chores early in the relationship. There are a couple of ways to do this...

1. Make a Chore Chart- and switch out the chores every week or month. This is great because you know exactly who does what and you both end up doing the same thing. That way, one person is not always doing a specific chore.

2. Assign Chores- for life... or at least a year. This is the method we use for now just because there are certain things each of us hate to do. For instance, he hates doing dishes and I hate vacuuming. 

3. Daily Dos- Talk to each other everyday (or when stuff needs to be done) about who's doing what. Like after dinner say.. "You load, I'll unload?" I think most people do a little of this but, if you want to make this your whole system then go for it!

Personally, I think its important to have a system, but, you have to do what works for you and your spouse.

Also, just help each other.

Remember, you married this person because you love them... and part of loving somebody is being selfless and doing things just because you know it will make them happy.

Just try to remember that one person should not be doing everything... stay at home parent or not.

Goals, Goals, Goals.

Good morning ladies and gents,

I've had so many things come to mind that I want to do. The list goes on forever. I have so many goals, especially after getting married. So, I thought it would be useful to write down some of my goals and tips for how to achieve them. 

Health Goals: 

1. Drink More Water- 

So, I kind of hate drinking water. Its a horrible habit, I know, but I usually drink apple juice or really just ANYTHING rather than water. But, I know I need to do it as it will help me feel more energized, give me a healthy glow and all sorts of good stuff. I have a few tips. 

-Drink 1 bottle of water for every other juice/soda you have 

-Use no/low calorie water flavor enhancer like Dasani Drops I received some from Influenster (courtesy a free VoxBox) and they're pretty good! I definitely suggest them! 

2. Run a 5K- 

I talked about this more on my other blog so, I don't want to go into too much detail. About why I want to do it, so you can read that here. 

Tip: Exercise even if you don't feel like it (unless you're legitimately sick)

Knowledge Goals

1. Learn Spanish -

I want to learn Spanish because my husband speaks Spanish pretty well and wants to teach our future children.So, I don't want them to be talking secrets in a different language just because I won't be able to understand them! Since I have a while to learn this, I still need to come up with a specific plan. 

Tip: Memorize a "word of the day".

2.  Improve Memory- 

I want to improve my memory so that I will be better at learning. It will just overall improve my life. 

Tip: Memorize something each day or play memory improving games (gotta love apps).

Business Goals:

1. Get a Job- 

This is pretty obvious, I would like a job to make some extra money for us! Its a long and hard process but, it will be worth it in the long run 

Tip: Don't give up!

2. Make More mark. Sales- 

My goal is to eventually be a mentor and to do that I need to consistently reach a certain sales goal. 

So, if your in direct sales, I have a tip for you: 

Tip: Have great customer service.

3. Be More Active on Activ[n]ation- 

As some of you may know, last year I started an online literary magazine. I really love it, but, I've kind of hit a plateau. So, I'm going to start working on getting submissions and making it more, well, active.

Tip: If people aren't coming to you, find them.

Personal Goals: 

1. Be a Good Wife- 

One of my number one goals, after getting married, is to be a good Godly wife. I've found a few posts that I really like about being a Godly wife, you can read one here, courtesy of pinterest.

The People Pleasing Monster

This is going to sound incredibly simplistic but, do what is right for you/your relationship. 

Why am I saying this? Well, I've recently had some married/divorced friends tell me 'You shouldn't feel that way yet' or 'Your doing that already?.' I know that they are half kidding/mean well but, its really been eating away at me. I know I'm being sensitive but, this is my marriage, not yours. 

Its really gotten me thinking... 

John and I need to do the things that are right for us, when they are right for us. We can listen to other people's advice and take it into consideration but ultimately, it is what we feel is best (after careful consideration and prayer, of course).

And of course, most of us know that. But, its the actual doing it part that's hard (at least for me, not so much for my husband). I've spent my whole life doing what other people told me was the right thing [Note: That did keep me out of trouble, and I am incredibly grateful that I listened to my parents guidance growing up] that I don't have a lot of experience in completely defying what other people advise me to do because I feel something else is right. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense to anybody but myself.

I guess what it ultimately comes down to is my intense desire to please people. I'm a people please-er and honestly, I need to get over that. Not that there is anything wrong with being a people please-er or wanting to please but, for me, it can sometimes inhibit the things that I really want to do or that I know is right. Ultimately for me, I need to please God. That should be my main goal. And I can't let my people pleasing tendencies get in the way of that. I've got to stick to my guns, so to speak, and not feel so bad when I do. 

So, that's my goal. Its going to take a little while but that's okay. I have to take it day by day.

I have a lot of self-improvement to do.

Thats life. 

We should always be striving to be better, to be the best version of ourselves that we can be. 

If your still with me, thanks for reading, and I hope you pulled a little advice from this. 

From those of you skimming, my advice is: 

Do what is right for you and your relationship.

Don't let your people pleasing ways get in the way of God's will for you.

Strive to be better each day.